Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
