Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
