you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
