evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
