omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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