just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
