he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think your dad took our porno
be right there i have to get my cape
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
