I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
