I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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