I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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