I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
