If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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