ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
