he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
