we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
