Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
