I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
