Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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