My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My brain says no but my pants say off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
