Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
