Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
