WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
