i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
