For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
