Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
