i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
