Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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