I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
