just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
