you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
