if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
