How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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