i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
