Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
