if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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