Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
