I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
