Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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