i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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