eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
