You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
