spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
