the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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