I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
