So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
