you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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