fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
