I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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