I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize