the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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