This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
