How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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