You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
