i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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